I wannas sexs uuuuu
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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