smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
