Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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