"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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