after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
