2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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