dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
