he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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