I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
