Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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