Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
