I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
try to milk me bitch
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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