My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
