dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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