i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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