I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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