I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
