Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize