names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
