I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
