can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
