I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
