Acid is not a monday night drug
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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