absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
