I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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