you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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