friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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