my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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