BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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