some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
