I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
