he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
