If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
