...so i touched it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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