Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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