Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize