SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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