I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
