i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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