if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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