you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
