Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
