i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
