hotel room ftw
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
