You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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