Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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