he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
