ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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