How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
