What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
