i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
