Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
