i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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