I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
