i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
