i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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