So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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