I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
