My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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