So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
