i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
