First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
