I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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