i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
