my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
did you just send me my own nude
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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