i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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