I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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