Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
