sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
