Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
