i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
