I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
well you can't waste a boner
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
