"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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