Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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