i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
