Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
