I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
