I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
