It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
