I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
