Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
