honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
