Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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