yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
