so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
