apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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