i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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