what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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