I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
