you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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