omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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