i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
True strength comes from lack of pants
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize