fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
