my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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