You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
