the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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