why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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