I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So much rum. So many feels.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
