At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
