she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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