Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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