Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
