$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
