so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
