We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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