cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We left an ass print on the piano.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
NoShamevember. You game?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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